


Her Punishment

by jhunieilarde



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:28:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhunieilarde/pseuds/jhunieilarde
Summary: Vera struggles to deal with her feelings after powdering Hamish...(angst, jealousy, romance ensured)
Relationships: Hamish Duke/Vera Stone
Comments: 9
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea and I know I need to write it down...

She kept telling herself it’s for the best. She has no choice. It’s either let them die or let them forget everything. She had to choose which was the lesser evil. The Council was satisfied with either of her choice and she made sure to keep a close eye on all of them not because she’s worried they will regain their memories back but she does not want the Council to go behind her back and try to harm the Knights. The Council is not known for loyalty towards the Grand Magus. How many times a Grand Magus was overthrown by the Council? They only fear a Grand Magus who possessed great power like Edward Coventry because they fear for their lives. Her defeating Edward proven her to be more dangerous than him so the Council feared her as well but it does not mean they will not try to go behind her back especially when it comes to the werewolves.

Assigning disciples to each Knight to ensure their safety was useful. There’s been no attempt by the Council because they know her disciples would report anything suspicious to her, but in her efforts to keep them safe, her plan backfired at her.

Selena Durov…

Yes, that’s the plan that backfired at her. Assigning her to Hamish was a huge mistake.

She silently cursed herself for allowing herself to get involved with Hamish in the first place. She wouldn’t have this dilemma if she controlled herself much better back then. It was a brief affair after they defeated Edward Coventry. They were in a celebratory mood and got carried away. She first blamed it on the delicious drinks Hamish made for all of them but she knows better. The alcohol was innocent.

They went home together that night and fucked each other’s brains out until they lost all of their strength to get out of bed. She wished she can justify that as simple one-night stand but no. It happened for the following nights after that. It was not a fling. It was not a relationship either. There’s no label to it. She can’t even call him her fuckbuddy. You don’t care about your fuckbuddy. You don’t bother saving the life of a fuckbuddy. God. She cares for him more than sex. That’s why powdering him was the hardest order she ever gave. It’s for his own good but damn, it hurts.

The pain only increased when she saw him and Selena one day in campus huddled in the corner while making out. She thought about reprimanding Selena from doing that but how would that make her look? A jealous… _lover_? Hamish does not even know her other than being his boss. She should have known it would happen once she assigned Selena to Hamish.

That explains how she finds herself in a bar in the middle of the night on weekdays. Drinking alone at her house doesn’t do it for her. All it does is make her remember the times Hamish was there with her making her drinks and caressing her until she lost control and straddle him.

She kept to herself. Being surrounded by people who don’t know her is alright. The noise distracts her from thinking too much while tequila does its job of loosening her up.

“This seat taken?”

She was about to say fuck off when she saw who’s asking.

“No”, she answered instead.

Hamish…what is he doing there? Where is Selena? Didn’t she instruct her to keep an eye on Hamish? What if an adepti was task in getting rid of Hamish when he’s unguarded?

“Should I address you as Chancellor here or you prefer to be called something else?” he asked as he sat next to her.

Just the proximity of his body on hers made her woozy.

“Vera is fine”, she answered.

He smirked.

“It’s a beautiful name”, he complimented.

She should walk away now before it gets complicated but she couldn’t bring herself to move.

“Are you flirting with me now, Mr. Duke?” she asked.

He chuckled.

“Hamish is just fine…and is it bad if I say yes, I am?” he answered then asked her back.

Oh, this is bad. This is going to complicate everything.

“It depends if it’s worth my while”, she said instead.

Damn, this tequila, she thought.

Hamish licked his lips and she couldn’t help but stare. He looked so good and she missed him so badly. It does not help that she’s filled with jealousy after seeing him kissed Selena like that. She pictured herself in her place and she’s the one he’s devouring like that. She caught herself digging herself deeper and she shook her head. This is a mistake.

“I have to go. Have fun, Mr. Duke”, she muttered and quickly left.

\-----------------------------------

Vera walked outside of the bar, struggling to find her car key inside her purse. What was she doing back there? She can’t get involve again. It’s unprofessional and she’s setting herself to get hurt again. He’s not meant to remember her. It wouldn’t be fair for him if she’s going to take advantage of him.

Before she could open her car, a strong hand grabbed her arm and yanked her towards the alley and pinned her against the wall. She was about to use magic when her eyes met his burning with lust.

“Why did you flee, Vera?” he asked with a low growl.

 _This can’t happen_ , her rational brain warned.

“…because this is wrong. I believe you’re with someone else”, she answered with a pang of jealousy.

His right hand grabbed her waist as he pressed his body onto hers. She felt his hard member on her belly and a whimper escaped her mouth.

“I’m not with anyone else. There’s only one person in entire Belgrave I’m pining after but I think she’s too busy to even notice me”, he said.

What? She saw him making out with Selena. What was that?

“I wonder what Ms. Durov will say about that”, she spat.

A smirk formed upon his lips.

“That was meant for you”, she frowned, “…that whole show in the hallway, that was meant for you to see. I want you to see it”, he revealed.

He’s trying to make her jealous?

“Why?” she asked.

He pressed his thigh on her center and she closed her eyes at the contact.

“I know we have not personally talked but…I can’t explain it. Whenever you walk past me, my heart beats faster”, he pressed his thigh harder and she responded and bucked her hips to create more friction, “You take my breath away every day but you never noticed me, not once. I was getting desperate so…I threw a show just for you. Guess, it worked because you’re here in a bar miles from Belgrave, drinking alone”, he answered.

She cursed herself for failing to stop her hips from grinding his thigh. Jeez, it’s just been so long.

“Isn’t it presumptuous of you to think I came here because of you?” she asked again followed by a moan.

“I don’t know. Am I?” he replied and latched his mouth onto her neck landing exactly on her weak spot.

She gasped. Even without his memories, he still knows how to touch her body.

“Fuck, Hamish…”

He bit her neck and she moaned out loud.

“So, you do my name…I am honored”, he soothed her neck with his tongue and is already chasing her release against his thigh. “Your place or mine?” he asked in her ear.

She opened her eyes and for a moment, she almost said no. This is not the plan at all. This is not what should happen. Her body betrayed her though. Her desire is clouding her better judgment and it’s too late for her to stop the words coming out of her mouth.

“Mine”, she answered.

\------------------------------------

Vera couldn’t remember how they managed to get to her house. Hamish did not let rest inside the car as he drove her car. One hand on the wheel, one hand inside her dress, massaging her clit. By the time they arrived in her house, she’s already groaning in frustration. Whenever she’s close to the edge, he would stop. She tried finishing off herself with her own hand but he swatted it away.

He carried her all the way to her bedroom without any direction from her. It’s his subconscious at work. Deep in his brain, he knows her house too well.

“God…” she breathed out when he attacked her breast after he threw her on her bed.

He kneaded, sucked, licked, bit, driving her crazy. In one swift move, he undressed her completely. He went down on her and started eating her without mercy. Vera gasped, her head going left and right. Her body is being filled with extreme sensation. It sends her nerves into overdrive.

“Please…” she moaned.

It’s torture how he kept her hanging but he finally heed her request and thrusted three fingers in her, curled them upwards as his tongue circled her clit hard.

“Fuck!” she cried as her body convulsed in pleasure.

Hamish did not ease his ministrations and continue the same pace and pressure until she’s pushing his head away from her.

He only pulled away long enough to undress himself before slamming his very hard member into her. It surprised Vera. Pain and pleasure mixed in her body. He stopped moving for a moment, allowing her to adjust to his size as he leaned over to her ear.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been dreaming to do this to you. Every single night, I would dream about making you moan like this. At some point, it almost felt like we’ve already done this before”, he whispered.

She felt herself crying. It’s not a dream. It’s his memories resurfacing while he’s unconscious. He pushed himself up and saw the tears in her eyes. He was alarmed.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked in concern.

She shook her head.

“No, you’re not”, she answered.

“Then, why are you crying?” he asked again.

“…because I hurt myself. I thought I would be better off alone. I did not realize how much I lost until now”, she answered.

It’s vague for his ears. He does not understand her at all but he can feel her pain. He gently brushed her tears away and planted kisses on her face before capturing her lips.

“Let me heal you. I am no superman, but I can do my best”, he offered.

She smiled at him and nodded. It’s just one night, she thought. She can allow herself this one night with him. Tomorrow morning, things will return to the way it was. He will not remember all of this when he wakes up.

He moved slow this time, savoring each thrust. He caressed her and made sure he worshipped every inch of her. He whispered sweet things in her ears. It came so naturally for him, like what he said earlier, it felt like they’ve been here before. It felt like he’s reliving his dream. He felt her walls clenching around him and he knew she’s close to falling off the cliff again. He increased his pace and soon enough, she’s uttering his name like a prayer before he followed her to the oblivion.

Few hours later, Hamish was sleeping peacefully next to Vera. She’s tracing invisible symbols on his forehead as tears kept falling from her eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Hamish. I can’t let you die. I miss you so much”, she planted a kiss on his forehead before uttering something in Latin.

The symbol she traced on his forehead glowed and became visible. She took a deep breath and casted one more spell and Hamish disappeared from her bed. She had sent him back to his apartment with no memory of the night they shared. The nausea hits her after using magic without doing sacrifice. She got no powder on her and she wants this one to last longer than Pulveris Memoria. She cannot risk Hamish remembering and endangering his life. It’s better that she carries the pain alone. She can cry in the dark knowing he’ll be safe.

\-----------------------------------

FEW MONTHS LATER

It took Rogwan knocking Vera out for Hamish to regain that part of his lost memories. He cannot believe that the potion Alyssa made them drink did not return his entire memories. Of course, he remembered being with Vera before she had them powdered. That’s why it angered him so much when he discovered she took away his memories. He kept asking how she could have done it to him after everything they shared together. It was brief, yes, but it was meaningful for him. He settled with the idea that it meant nothing for her. That’s the only explanation he could think of that would justify how she was able to stomach it but he was so wrong.

He’s not certain how he’s able to remember it though but he now can remember that night in her bedroom after he found her alone in that bar. He remembered how she sobbed next to him while he slept. It must have Tundra’s memory. His hide was not able to push that memory into his brain because that memory was not tampered by Pulveris Memoria. It was tampered by Vera’s magic. He can remember the words she whispered to his unconscious self before she casted that spell.

_I’m so sorry, Hamish. I can’t let you die. I miss you so much…_

He realized that she did what she did to save their lives. She sacrificed her own feelings for their sakes and like a goddamn fool, he failed to see that and they ended up robbing her including the weapon she needed to banish Rogwan and now, she’s lying unconscious on her chair after being hit by the emperor demon.

The night they robbed her was supposed to go smoothly. They take everything and they run. He was not planning on sleeping with Vera that night but she came to him, complimented his drink, and when he went inside her office. He couldn’t help himself. After all, he got his memories back. He was able to remember what it was like to be with her, how it felt like to make her cry out his name, to have her completely on his mercy. It might have also been fueled by that irrational anger he had. He wanted to fuck her so hard she would be sorry that she did that to him. What he did not know at the time was she’s already sorry for it long before he bent her over that table down her vault.

How stupid of him to think the worst of her without knowing her side first?

She finally opened her eyes and swatted him away. He saw the disappointment on her face when Kepler informed her that Rogwan got out of the temple. He knows she’s blaming herself for failing what other Grand Magi succeeded in doing every 27 years. When Alyssa mentioned wolves, he saw the realization hits her features. He and Randall tried to save themselves but she’s way smarter to be fooled like that.

“Where is my inventory?” she asked.

“We lost it”, he answered, at least she deserves to know the truth.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and he recalled her habit of doing that whenever she’s controlling her temper.

“I don’t have time to murder you myself right now and I may not be able to after this”, he suddenly got nervous. What did she mean by that? “Unless you bring me back the sickles, I have no choice than to blow up half of Norwich so you better find it before I do that”, she said.

She’s not serious, right? He looked at her carefully and she’s definitely serious. What did Alyssa say about what happened the last time Rogwan got out? Oh, that’s right…World War II.

“We won’t let you down”, he said.

She averted her gaze from him.

“…too late”, she replied and it felt like thousands of knives pierced his heart at once.

Yes, he had already let her down.

\------------------------------------

So, he recovered his memories all this time. Vera wanted to laugh at her own foolishness and blindness. How come she did not see that? They’re all right in front of her! Inducting them into the Order was definitely a bad idea.

Excidium is the best option to stop Rogwan from unleashing hell into the Earth but that would mean killing half of people of Norwich. They don’t have the time to evacuate everyone. It would be easy to cover it on the newspaper. A fatal accident…terrorist attack…nuclear explosion…

The Order is well-versed in taking care of that.

There is another way to stop Rogwan and the only price it will require is her health. Now that pales in comparison to sacrificing half of Norwich. She breathed in deep. She cannot believe the day will come that she’ll be forced to do this but she has no choice and she’s responsible for everyone. The possibility of the wolves finding her sickles is as low as zero.

“I guess I deserve this after all”, she said to herself and finished the drink on her desk.

\------------------------------------

Hamish decided to return to the temple even though they failed in recovering her sickles. If she’s going to blow up herself along half of Norwich, he wants to be with her.

When he entered the temple, however, she’s not preparing for Excidium. He saw Jack, Alyssa, and Lilith on the floor unconscious. Vera is standing in the middle of the room facing Rogwan. _Shit_ , he cursed. She’s going to take on an emperor demon by herself.

Hamish growled and tried to attack the demon but he was pushed away by Vera herself much to his surprise.

“You must think you’re powerful enough to fight me without their help considering it only took me one move to knock you out earlier”, Rogwan reminded her.

“Well, I was not planning on fighting you earlier but it seems I don’t have a choice now”, she responded.

The demon smirked.

“What? Excidium? You must be so desperate to kill everyone just to stop me”, he mocked.

“I am not doing Excidium”, the demon frowned, “I don’t need it to send you back to hell”, she muttered.

Rogwan went serious and tried to attack her again but she deflected it this time with ease.

It surprised Hamish. Why did not she do that earlier? Was she caught off guard when he first attacked her?

“Impressive”, the demon noted.

“I am not trying to impress you”, she snapped and swayed her left hand, opening a portal behind Rogwan.

The demon resisted and fought. Vera held him back with her right hand and worked on pushing him towards the portal. Wind blew harshly inside the temple despite the lack of windows. Rogwan screamed, cursed, yelled at Vera but she did not falter. She kept on going until she successfully shoved the demon inside the portal and closed it quickly.

Adrenaline helped her retain her balance after facing Rogwan.

“Vera…” she closed her eyes.

He’s not supposed to be here.

“Take your friends out of here. The others can’t see you like that. They’ll know you got your memories back”, she said without looking at him.

“I’m sorry”, he apologized.

She inhaled deeply as the nausea started setting in. He can’t see her like this. This is her punishment and she should suffer this alone.

“Now, Mr. Duke. I can’t cover for you if Kepler gets here”, she replied and hurried towards inside her office before shutting the door closed.


	2. Dragging the Cat out of the Bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the positive reviews on this one and as requested, here's the second chapter...

As soon as the door of her office closed, Vera succumbed to the extreme nausea that hits her after sending Rogwan back to hell. It’s been so long since she used that much magic that way. Some people would think it’s the beauty of Fors Factoram but they don’t know what it does after the spectacular display of power. Every time she feels this way, she just wants to put herself to sleep and let it pass but she can’t do that. She needs to recast the incantation that’s keeping her alive.

Her legs took her to her desk. Her vision is getting blurry, darkness is threatening to pull her under. She managed to open her drawer only to realize that she had taken the Vade Maecum out of the temple after she was robbed.

“Shit!” she cursed.

She was afraid for it to be stolen back then that she decided to keep the grimoire inside her vault at her house. Now, her problem is she’s not going to be able to make it to her house in time. She certainly couldn’t drive in this condition. Teleporting might work but since she’s too close to passing out, she wouldn’t want to risk ending up in another continent. Still, she tried to walk to the door but before she was able to reach it, her legs gave in and she blacked out.

\------------------------------------

Hamish did what Vera asked and took the pack and Alyssa to the Den. They’re still out when he left the house. He left them a note explaining what happened so they wouldn’t be confused when they wake up. Right now, he needs to get back to Vera.

Call it instinct or a hunch, but he does not feel good about letting Vera be alone in her office right now. While he runs across the woods to get to the temple, he kept on thinking about how Vera was able to send Rogwan back to hell like that without any ritual or sickles or help from other practitioners. She did it with her own magic and she did it in a matter of minutes. He wonders that if she could do that all along, why rely on those sickles? Why let Rogwan get out of the temple at all? Why did she let the demon attacked her and knocked her out?

He could only think of one explanation that would justify Vera’s action. She’s not stupid. If that power is readily available for her to use to stop Rogwan before he wreaks havoc, she would have used it right away. If she chose not to use it at first, then it’s meant to be her last resort. Why would it be her last resort? What could possibly be wrong with her using her magic to stop a demon from unleashing hell?

Before he gets to formulate an answer to those questions, he had arrived at the temple. Luckily, no one dared to go back there after the whole Rogwan mess. He also knew that Vera had instructed everyone to stay away from the temple for the night just to be sure.

He knocked at first but when she did not respond, he opened the door and found her on the floor, pale as a sheet of paper.

“Vera!” he rushed to her side and felt her pulse. It’s there but weak. “Come on, wake up”, but she’s not waking up.

Hamish tried to heal her and though he noticed her cheek has regained some color, she remained unconscious. He kept on trying until she was able to partially open her eyes.

“You’re okay. I’m here”, he said.

“Take…take me home…” she barely whispered but he caught it.

He was quick to heed her request as he grabbed her purse, her car key, and carried her into his arms before moving quickly outside. The last thing she needs is to wake up tomorrow with questions as to why she’s being carried out of the temple unconscious.

\------------------------------------

At Vera’s house, Hamish took Vera to the sofa. She’s slightly conscious at this point and fighting to remain like that. He’s in position to continue healing her when she waved her hand that opened a secret vault on the wall. Hamish felt Tundra growled inside as soon as his eyes landed on the grimoire that’s sitting inside the vault.

“Please…” he heard her say.

His feet moved on their own and he took the Vade Maecum out of the vault and put it on the coffee table in front of her. She forced herself to glance over it and flicked her fingers which opened the book to a certain page. As soon as her hand landed on top of it, he saw the paleness on her skin went away. He heard her gasped at the rush of magic that rang through his ears before she allowed herself to breathe properly. He remained standing there, silent and waiting.

“Thank you for bringing me here”, she finally broke the silence.

“I got questions”, he pointed out.

Vera pursed her lips. She knows that’s coming as soon as Hamish entered her office but she does not have a choice. If she did not ask for his help, she would have died right then and there.

“Why I still have the Vade Maecum when it’s supposed to be destroyed?” he nodded. She ran her fingers over the page she used earlier, “This last portion of the book has been in my possession for years. I gave it to Edward to gain his trust and also in the hope of seeing him fail. I did not realize Jack Morton would play a role in it though as well you wolves. My plan was after Edward was gone, I could just take this back even just my portion but as you know, plan changed quite fast”,

She smiled sadly and closed the book.

“That page is the only thing keeping me alive right now. I, uh, did something stupid when I was young”,

“It has something to do with your magic, hasn’t it?” she stared at him, “I saw what you did with Rogwan earlier. There’s got to be some reason why you did not do that in the first place when he came out of that portal. You never needed the sickles but you did not use your magic at first. Why it’s your last resort…” he cut in.

Vera shrugged. He truly is the clever one.

“You’re right. Have you ever heard of Fors Factoram Incantation, Hamish?” he shook his head. “It’s an incantation that allows a practitioner to do any spells, any kind of magic he wants without the need to offer up a sacrifice. It’s like Vade Maecum without going through the trouble of killing your own child”, she continued.

“…and you performed it?” he asked.

“I did unfortunately. Like I said, I was young and stupid. I thought that with it, I could bring back someone important to me from the dead but I couldn’t. Apparently, no magic can undo death. Then, I realized the catch of that incantation. You see, no magic is free. Fors Factoram allows you to do magic without sacrifice because it turns you into the sacrifice. Every hardcore spells, incantations, or simply carefree use of magic, the incantation depletes your health until it claims your life. I did my fair share of big spells in my life and it almost killed me at one point but someone saved my life”, she glanced over the grimoire, “…that person gave me the last portion of the Vade Maecum because it contained the one spell that would prolong my life and as long as I don’t use my magic like that again, I should be fine”,

Hamish felt his knees shaking so he took a seat.

“I have not used my magic like that in a long time but the urgency to do it was too great. I had to”, she took a deep breath, “So, there you have it. Now, you know why I couldn’t destroy the book, why I can’t let you destroy the book, because my life depends on it as much as I hate that fact. It’s the truth”, she finished.

Hamish tried to reconcile the fact that Vera lied to them about the Vade Maecum, her true magic, and the incantation that’s just waiting to claim her life. It’s information overload.

“I am the leader of the Knight of St. Christopher, Vera. Why are you telling me all this?” he asked again.

They have a duty. He has a duty. He took an oath. He’s not just a member of the Knights. He’s their leader. It’s their job to make sure that the Vade Maecum does not fall into the wrong hands. They’re supposed to destroy it or at least tear it apart and hide it where no one else will be able to find it.

“I thought you deserve to hear the truth from me without forgetting it this time. You asked and I answered. Besides, I never liked lying to you”, her gaze landed on the book again, “Are you going to take it?” she asked him back.

It’s what he’s supposed to do.

“As a Knight, I should…but as Hamish, I don’t think I can, not after what you told me”, he answered honestly.

She only hummed. She would understand if he’ll make that choice. It’s no guarantee that she will not use that kind of magic again in the future and if she will, she will need the spell to heal her. She also knows that she cannot put this kind of burden on Hamish. She already took a year of his life. This will put him on tough spot and definitely will cause a rift between him and his pack. Powdering him is not an option anymore. She’s done tampering his memories.

“I will let you walk away from here if you want to take it. I will understand”, she muttered.

She’s not meant to live forever anyway. She already cheated death more times than she can count.

“You need that spell, Vera”, he reasoned.

He knows it in his bones that Vera did not keep the grimoire for the reason of power. She kept it to keep herself alive. If she had not done that, he would have lost her in a permanent way.

“…and you need to fulfill your duty, Hamish. I prevented you from doing that for a whole year”,

“…to protect our lives. I know that now. I did not understand it at first but I now know better. You saved us”, he cut her off.

She looked so sad. Her mind is drifting to another time.

“That night in the vault, you already got your memories back, don’t you?” she asked quietly.

Hamish swallowed.

“Yes”, he answered.

“I suspected that. I could just feel it the way you touched me that night. I thought it’s your subconscious coming out again and knowing how badly I screwed you over. I deserved it though. I deserved being screwed twice that night”, she expressed referring to the fact that they robbed her after Hamish had her on that table in her vault.

He shook his head and closed the distance between them to cup her face.

“No, you did not”, he disagreed. He tilted her chin so she would look into his eyes, “I was angry without knowing the entire context. It was not your fault. You chose to keep us alive. You made the hard choice knowing how we would feel if we were to get our memories back. You took the risk so we would be safe. You never deserved to be screwed like that”, he added.

She leaned into his touch as she closed her eyes. She would be lying if she says that she does not miss his touch or him being close to her. She surely missed having him look at her with recognition in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Hamish”, she apologized while fighting her tears.

“Ssshhh…you have nothing to apologize for. I should be the one who should be sorry”, he stopped her and pressed his lips on her forehead.

He missed her as well. Ever since he got his memories back, he wants to hold her in his arms and just talk with her about anything. When they got inducted to the Order, he watched her from the distance and held himself back from touching her and letting her know that he remembers. He tried to keep it subtle by serving her drinks, acting like a disciple, but the urge to just take her home and keep her happy all night long was overwhelming.

While she’s savoring being in his arms, something rose from her stomach and she quickly pulled herself away from Hamish and ran to the bathroom.

“Vera?” he ran after her and found her bent over the toilet bowl heaving.

He held her hair back and rubbed her back in soothing motion as she poured her stomach’s contents into the bowl. Once done, he flushed it for her and helped her get to the sink and wash her mouth and face. He can feel her body shaking. Her eyes are bloodshot.

“I’m okay”, she said when she caught his worried eyes through the mirror. “This happens after I cast that spell. It’s a strong healing spell and my body always reacts badly after I casted it on myself. This will go away soon”, she added to ease his tension.

It did not go away though. In his mind, he’s responsible for this. She was doing fine before they robbed her. She said it herself. She had not done that kind of magic in a long time and she was forced to do it earlier because of them, because they stole from her. Now, she’s throwing up and getting sick after she had to use a strong healing spell on herself.

“Stop that”, she turned towards him, “Stop blaming yourself. I don’t blame you, Hamish. You had every right to react the way you did when you got your memories back. I might have done it too if the situation was reversed, maybe worse than just stealing”, she said.

He sighed and touched her face again.

“I’ll be okay when I know you’ll be alright. I’ll talk to the others about the Vade Maecum. We’ll come up with something. I can’t take that spell from you. I am not risking losing you since I know I can’t stop you from using magic that big in case we run in some problems in the future again”, he replied.

Vera wondered how the Knights are going to react to her lying to their faces about burning the book but she has to face it somehow. Cat’s out of the bag and there’s no way to put it back in.

“Alright…let’s do it here. Having all of you inside my office is going to be suspicious especially for Kepler. They can’t know you got your memories back or that whole year will be wasted”, she agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, i think Vera kept the Vade Maecum for another reason more pressing than just wanting more power. Since she performed Fors Factoram already, she does not need the Vade Maecum. That would explain why she does not seek it like Edward so it made me ask why she kept the book and since she had the last portion of it before, i thought maybe she's using that to prolong her life somehow.

**Author's Note:**

> any thoughts?


End file.
